The One When Ross Says Emily
by choccywoccydoodah
Summary: The title says it all. It's a What if story really, about what could have happened if Ross had said the right name at the altar!
1. I take thee Emily

The One when Ross said "Emily"

Chapter 1- "I take thee Emily"

**Author's note**: ok so maybe it wouldn't have been as different as I make out, but if ross said Emily think of all the crazy stuff that could have happened!

**Disclaimer**- basically I don't own any of the characters in this story

It was early evening in central London, and the guests were just starting to file into the torn down chapel, beautifully lit with numerous fairy lights and candles, to witness the marriage of Ross Geller and Emily Waltham. Joey was in his element, checking everyone's invitations and ushering the crowds in. However, as soon as the leggy brunette of a bridesmaid came through the door, directing a load of senile relatives went straight to the back of his mind, and he and the bridesmaid began a rather long and passionate meeting in the corner. Rachel took her chance, and sneaked into the chapel.

The organ started playing, and Monica and Chandler, the bridesmaid and the best man, walked down the aisle together. They had slept together the night before, and made plans to do the same tonight. After Joey and the leggy brunette walked down the aisle, Emily and her father followed. The ceremony then began. The vows were exchanged, and the immortal words spoken:

"I Emily, take thee Ross as my lawfully-wedded husband, in sickness and in health, 'til death parts us."

"I Ross, take thee Emily as my lawfully-wedded wife, in sickness and in health, 'til death parts us."

The vicar smiled "I now pronounce thee husband and wife! Congratulations, you may kiss the bride!"

And as Ross and Emily shared their first kiss as Mr. and Mrs. Geller, and the guests applauded and cheered, Rachel felt as though a chunk of her heart had been torn away. She took a deep breath, and clapped along with the rest.


	2. Everyone has sex after weddings!

Chapter 2- "Everyone has sex after weddings!"

After the ceremony, everyone gathered in the hall across the road for the reception. Emily and Ross walked through the door to more cheers and applause, and began making their way around all the guests, thanking them for coming, and laughing and talking.

Monica and Chandler stood at the buffet, trying to find a suitable time and place to slip away to Chandler and Joey's hotel room. Suddenly, the moment came- Ross and Emily were busy talking to senile old women and Joey was very busy with the leggy brunette. Everyone was deep in conversation with everyone else, so no one would notice if two twenty-something New Yorkers suddenly disappeared.

They smiled at each other, and started making their way out of the room. Just as they reached the lobby, they saw Rachel sitting on a couch. Her nose was running and she was snivelling. Monica gestured to Chandler that she would be one second, and sat down next to her. Rachel looked at her.

"Hey honey how are you?" Monica hugged her friend. Rachel sniffed.

"I've been better. I just can't believe it's over between us! Forever! I mean, Ross is married now! I always thought things would work out between us in the future you know? But now…" she sniffed again. Monica sighed- she could see her plans for the night fading rapidly.

"Ohh honey it'll be ok! You wanna talk about it?" Rachel nodded.

"Ok, just gimme 2 minutes I'll be right back" Monica got up. This was gonna be hard.

Chandler was hanging around in the doorway, getting a number of odd glances. "Hey, enjoying the party?" he asked a man who was walking through the lobby. The man flicked his hair back, looked Chandler up and down and smiled.

"Oh, it just got better!" He winked.

"Oh nononono! Nyeha……" Chandler laughed awkwardly "I'm actually just waiting for my…friend…she's a girl…we're going to have sex…" He winced as he realised what he had just said. The clearly gay guy winced too, said a quick "whatever" and walked on. As soon as he had passed, Chandler jumped up and down in fury- why did he attract gay guys?

"Trust me to inherit my mother's ability to attract young men and my father's ability to attract…gay men," he muttered. Ah well at least this embarrassing ordeal was for a good cause- he was gonna get laid!

At this point, Monica came up to him. He slid towards her in what he hoped was a suave fashion (but actually made him look like his shoes were stuck to the floor) and said "Why hello. Ready for the Chan-man love?". Monica raised an eyebrow, took a deep breath and said "Yeah honey about that…I'm gonna have to take a rain check"

"I'm sorry what?" Chandler couldn't believe he was being blown off! Yet again!

"I'm sorry…Rachel really needs me right now and I've decided I'm gonna be with her tonight."

"But…meh….I…" Chandler was burbling incessantly "You…I…come on…everyone has sex after weddings!"

Monica took a step back. "What?"

"Yeah!" Chandler continued "After weddings…everyone has sex! Sex sex sex! You're breaking the tradition! Don't leave me hanging!" He frowned at the last part.

Monica smiled "I'm sorry but I'm going to go see Rachel- she's not doing too good. I'll see you tomorrow"

Chandler's reply was something along the lines of "nnyehh", and he watched Monica go to comfort Rachel. He knew it was fair enough but still. He sighed. At that point Joey walked past.

"Hey man how's it going? You getting your post-wedding sex tonight?" He grinned "I know I am- that bridesmaid can't get enough! So what you up to? You look kinda hot are you ok?"

Chandler rubbed his face "I'm so hot and…desperate…that that gay guy over there is starting to look appealing. "

Joey looked at the prissy guy and raised his eyebrows. "Dude, I could not imagine what it's like to be you. I'll see ya" he said, and followed the bridesmaid.

Chandler returned to his hotel room and got into his pyjamas. Yes, his pyjamas. At 9.00.


	3. Oh my god

**Chapter 3- Oh…my….god!**

**Author's note: **Hey hey I'm still going! Thanks to the commenters and keep reviewing I'll keep this up! You can probably guess which character features in this chapter…..well she had to pop up somewhere….

A sexually frustrated Chandler left the wedding reception and stepped out into the small London street. Man London was smaller than New York! He kicked a stone down the sidewalk (or as they say in England, the pavement), with his hands in his pockets. He couldn't go back to his room for ages because Joey was busy with the bridesmaid, he didn't want to go back to the 'party' and besides Ross and Emily wouldn't notice that he'd gone, and Monica and Rachel were having a heart to heart so he couldn't talk to them. Basically he was stranded. In London.

"Finally! An American institution! I've missed you!" Chandler strode into the Starbucks on the corner. Sure, it wasn't Central Perk by any means but hey, he could cope.

"Black coffee please kind sir!" The man behind the counter's face remained blank- he was clearly used to tourists attempting to adopt 'English' terms such as 'kind sir' and 'old bean'.

Once Chandler had paid and received his coffee, he sat down and looked around the coffee house. He picked up a copy of "The Sun", and started to flick through. To his shock as well as amusement, he reached Page 3 to find a topless woman posing **(to those who aren't English it's common knowledge that glamour models pose on page 3 of The Sun- they're called Page 3 girls! little fact there)**. "Wow, the English sure are dark horses" he muttered.

After reading a fascinating article about the future inmates of the Big Brother house **(again, I know it's not BB season but whatever)**, and another one about the Beckhams, he put down the paper and sighed. Then he heard it.

"Oh….my…..god!"

He turned round slowly, eyes wide in disbelief. There she was, larger than life in her leopard print coat.

"Janice!" he made a wide sweeping gesture with his arm "What…..er….Janice! What're you….how…Janice! It's you! In London! Janice!"

"nehhahahahaahahahahahahahaa" Ahh the machine gun laugh "Yes it's me! I'm here for the weekend on business! What're you doing here? I thought you were in Yemen?"

Crap. He'd forgotten about the whole "I'm going to Yemen forever" plot to get rid of Janice.

Chandler frowned "Err…I was! But I couldn't miss Ross' wedding! So I'm here for a couple of days…we all leave tomorrow! And then it's…back to Yemen for me!"

Janice smiled at him "See what I mean? We meet each other everywhere! I mean, the one weekend I'm in London, you are too! I mean talk about meant to be! You wanna go somewhere else and catch up? Somewhere more…English?"

Chandler shrugged. What had he got to lose? "Sure!"

Janice sidled up to him and stroked his chest "Maybe we could go back to my hotel room afterwards…I'll give you a night to remember" she winked.

Chandler leapt back "The English-culture-catching-up thing will do for me!"

And with that they left Starbucks and headed to the local pub, "The Black Lion".

Rachel and Monica came out of Monica's room, after the longest hour of Monica's life. Rachel's makeup was now fixed, and she took a deep breath.

"Thanks Mon, you're the best. Ohh I'm sorry honey I've totally ruined your evening! Was I interrupting anything when I bumped into you and Chandler? You looked like you were going somewhere!"

Monica laughed "No, I was just…..directing Chandler to the bathrooms! He's hopeless!"

Rachel raised an eyebrow. She knew when her friend was lying or uneasy. "Right, cos _I _thought you looked kinda….like a couple!" she grinned. She was loving this.

Monica was freaking out in her head but managed to keep a relatively straight face. "Me and Chandler? What are you crazy? Sweetie I know you and Ross were together and Joey and Phoebe have that…oddly sexual relationship….but there is NO hope for me and Chandler. Seriously"

Rachel put her hands up. "Ok ok my mistake! Now, shall we return to the party?"

Ross was having fun! Really, he was. He was centre of attention, all the quaint English folk loved him, and Emily was 'happy as Larry', as the

people living in the East End of this slightly strange country would say.

But there was something lurking at the back of his mind. A picture. Of Rachel, funnily enough. Before, when he was saying his vows, he could see her out of the corner of his eye, and her face looked kind of…crumpled. He wondered why. He would have to ask her about it later, but for now…

"Ross! Come and cut the cake!"

Duty calls, he thought. He grinned and bounded over keenly to his new wife. As they cut the cake, and the guests cheered, he couldn't help but think of Rachel. As they handed out large slices of white sponge cake, the picture remained. But as he began to drink more champagne, the picture faded, and Emily became more and more beautiful.

"Let's celebrate! Bring on the champagne!" He shouted happily. The guests cheered again (they were an easy crowd to please), and more bottles appeared.

Emily walked up to her new husband.

"Ross, are you all right? You seem a bit…loud."

Ross raised his eyebrows "Apshs…I'm fine! I'm grrrreat! I'm married! And not to a lesbian! Well, that's what I thought about Carol at first, I suppose, but you're not like her…let's dance!"

Emily rolled her eyes. It was strange, but she liked Tipsy Ross. Not as much as Sober Ross, but Tipsy Ross was a nice change. She took his hand and they danced the night away on the dancefloor. Man and wife. Forever.

The next morning, Chandler woke up early. He eased his eyes open, and looked around the hotel room blearily. Hmm. He didn't recognise the room. Was this even his hotel? He looked out the window at the River Thames. Nope, wasn't his hotel.

He got out of bed and shouted "BAH" as he realised he was naked. He turned round to pick up a sheet, shouted "BAH" louder, and leapt a foot in the air as he saw the face of the person lying in the bed. The horsy grin. The big curly brown hair.

"Oh my god. Oh my god."

As if it was her calling, Janice sat up and said "Oh…my…God! Wasn't that the best night?"

Chandler turned round, looked back out at the Thames, and seriously considered leaping out into it and drowning himself.


	4. New York New York!

**Chapter 4- New York, New York!**

Chandler and Monica were sitting next to each other on the flight home, much to Rachel's amusement. Somehow Chandler had managed to escape the leopard-print clutches of Janice by saying he was flying to New York and being diverted to Yemen from there- it was amazing that she still believed he was living there! That was definitely one of his more successful lies to Janice.

Chandler leaned over to Monica and said "So…there's a good airplane bathroom up there? Wanna get some of the Chan man again?" He gestured to himself "subtly", knocking over his drink as he did so. Monica raised an eyebrow. Rachel was right. There was no hope for her and Chandler.

"Er… look you knew that was just one night right?" She searched his face for an answer.

"Well sure!" Chandler's voice had gone all high again, as it always did when he was even slightly perplexed. "Of course! That was…what we agreed right? Just sex!"

Monica smiled "I know yesterday we said we could take it further but I just don't think it works you know? I mean, I know Ross and Rachel went out, and Joey and Phoebe have that…oddly sexual relationship… but that's not a reason to get together is it?"

Chandler was slightly surprised but he was sure he'd get over it. "Me and you? Can you i_ma_gine me in a serious relationship? I'm Chandler! You're Monica, the one who wants the babies and I'm Chandler, the anti-commitment freak with a high libido!"

Monica patted his arm "Are you ok?"

Chandler nodded. "Yeah I'm fine it's just I wasn't expecting this… then again I wasn't expecting last night either…" he muttered as an afterthought.

Monica frowned. "What happened last night?"

At this point Joey walked past, and leaned across their row

"He slept with Janice! I mean dude come on I know you were desperate but there was no need to go off and find her!" He sat down and opened a packet of peanuts. Mid-munch, he said "Seriously, how drunk were you last night if you found JANICE irresistible?"

Chandler put his head into his hands. Uhoh. He looked to his left, at Monica. She looked like she was going to explode. He laughed nervously.

"Say Joe, wanna go on up there and get me some nuts too? I mean peanuts…not nuts…I have nuts…two, actually" He slapped his head. Joey raised his eyebrow and made a quick exit. There was no way he wanted to hang around listening to Chandler's sexually frustrated rambling about genitalia.

As soon as Joey was out of earshot, Monica whacked Chandler hard on the shoulder. Chandler recoiled, looked at her and whined "Ow!" in his high pitched voice.

Monica said to him "THAT was for cheating on me, and THIS" she hit him again "is for cheating on me with JANICE!" She folded her arms and looked at the clouds out the window.

Chandler shook his head, staring at Monica in disbelief.

"What? W-what? How did I cheat on you? It was one night of sex, that's all! You just said it!"

Monica sighed. "Yes, but you didn't know that last night did you? You thought it was going to go somewhere, and then you went and slept with Janice! I mean…urggh!" she shook in exasperation and flipped open a magazine about cleaning products.

Chandler could not believe what he was hearing. "I can't believe what I'm hearing!" he very nearly exploded. "Y'know what…so what? We can put this whole surreal experience behind us now. It obviously meant nothing to you because you suggested it ending…not that it started…and it obviously meant nothing to me because I slept with Janice!"

Monica nodded. "Exactly. So that's that. Nothing happened in London."

Chandler agreed. "Nothing. Nicht. Nil."

Monica finished the conversation with "Ok then! Nothing happened and it never will".

When Joey returned with Chandler's peanuts, he and Monica seemed to be in deep conversation, so he went and sat down next to Rachel instead, who was next to them.

"Hey Rach, enjoying the flight?"

Rachel closed her copy of Vogue and looked like she was thinking.

"Well lemme see…it's been 5 hours, I haven't been able to move, the guy next to me who's in the bathroom is spilling over into my seat, and my ex boyfriend just got married! So, not too bad…"

Joey's face creased in concern "Ohh it'll be all right! You'll get someone as soon as Ross did! You're hot, smart, funny you'll be fine!" Rachel smiled. "Aww Joey you know how to cheer me up"

"Right, so let's forget about Ross and have a good rest of flight huh? Hey, tubby, you'll be sitting there for the rest of the flight." Joey directed the obese man into the seat next to Chandler, who looked round in alarm to see the man's stomach spilling into his seat.

And with that, Rachel put Ross and Emily to the back of her mind, and didn't think of them again for a long long time.

Rachel, Joey, Monica and Chandler got off the plane feeling quite upbeat, and glad to be back in America. Chandler and Joey were even singing 'New York New York'- Joey was doing the 'babadadadaaaaa's, and Chandler was singing. Rachel and Monica were dying of embarrassment.

They left the terminal with their bags, and saw a large blonde woman standing outside the airport

"PHEEBS!" they all cried

Phoebe waved and waddled over to them- being almost 9 months pregnant she wasn't as light on her feet but she was still glowing.

"Hey guys! How was London?"

"Oh it was great! Small and quaint, but good! Glad to be home to you four now though- Pheebs and the triplets Joe" Monica added as Joey frowned.

Phoebe smiled. She was glad they had a good time but still it was without her. But there seemed to be tension between Mon and Chandler so that was good.

"Right! Let's get a cab!" Chandler hailed a cab and they all squashed in, to go back to their apartments.


	5. Moussaka

**Chapter 5- Moussaka!**

**Author's note- **hey sorry I haven't uploaded for like a week I've been busy! thanks to commenters no I don't think mondler will happen but you never know! Here we see the return of superbitch Emily who I don't like so she's still mean! lol please keep commenting!

Ross and Emily's honeymoon in Greece was going great. They had been to the Parthenon, numerous street markets and they had relaxed on the beach and by the pool. And there had been a lot of consummative sex. Worked for Ross.

They were walking down the little cobbled street to a restaurant they had found called "Niko's". They had met Niko and his wife and they were a lovable older couple with fiery tempers and delicious food.

As they sat down next to an olive tree and received the menus, they started talking about where they were going to live after the holiday.

"There's a great three bedroom semi with a lovely garden _and _ensuite bathrooms!" Emily was very excited about this house, which translated as a duplex with a big yard. Ross smiled- he loved her so much he couldn't stop!

"Mine beats yours- four bedrooms, great garage, huge yard and it's near the good schools and not too far from the city so we can easily get to Central Perk to see Monica and Chandler and everyone, and we can get to Ben and Carol easily too!"

Emily frowned. Ross looked confused "What is it? I thought it sounded great!"

"Erm it does but it's sadly on the wrong continent!" Emily laughed.

"What? We're moving just outside of New York!"

"No, we're moving outside London!"

"er….WHAT?" Ross screeched in a high pitched tone.

"We're moving to London!" Emily repeated.

"No no" Ross laughed nervously "We're moving to New York…that's it…can I get the moussaka?"

"Why do I have to give up everything because you say so?"

"Because I can't give up seeing my son!" Ross exclaimed. He then looked at the waitress and said "So yes, the moussaka?"

"I understand that but I don't want to leave my family!"

"Sweetie we've talked about this… I can't live away from Ben. Not going to happen. I know it's hard but we can visit all the time! Just the moussaka, that's all…you can stop watching us argue!" the waitress walked off.

"Ross, I know you don't want to be away from Ben but we'll be starting our own family soon so…"

"Leave Ben?" Ross could not believe what he was hearing. "I'm not going to replace him! That's ridiculously unreasonable! Do you have any idea how much he means to me? Of course not. Can I have the moussaka to take away?" Ross shouted to the waitress. Miraculously she understood and nodded.

"I don't care for the company at the moment." Ross said frostily. He got up, took his moussaka, and left Niko's, leaving Emily staring at the table. Soon enough Niko's wife came and comforted her.

"Eeta will be alrighta! You will make up! You ave to coome too your sennses and realise that he will not geev up is sown"

Emily nodded. "But if we live in New York he'll be able to see Rachel."

Niko's wife sighed. "You want my opeenion? Take some moussaka and tell eem that you will move with eem" She thrust some moussaka at Emily.

"Thanks. I'll talk to him" she said, and left the restaurant.


End file.
